A difficult conversation, but it had to be done

Hey, New Zealand?  Can you come in here for a second?  I need to have a talk with you about something personal.

We've known each other for a while now, haven't we?  And we both like each other, right, New Zealand?  So I feel comfortable enough with you to bring this up.  And I know that you'll understand that I'm coming from a perspective of caring, not judging, when I say this.

New Zealand, you have a body odor issue.

I'm not talking about the post-athletics funk that we all encounter from time to time-- hey, rugby players have every right to be stinky.  No, I'm talking about at the office.  At the grocery store.  In the movie theater.  How there seems to be this certain sour twang to the air in enclosed spaces, and especially now that the weather is warming up.  There always seems to be one of Those Guys around.

I'm pretty sure that there isn't some sort of widespread glandular problem that's to blame.  And I know there isn't a cultural opposition to basic principles of hygiene.  I suspect the problem lies with the deodorant and antiperspirant technology that you've made available.  I feel like I need to let you know that the 'dry sprays' you like so much just really aren't sufficient.  Nor are the roll-on liquids.  In fact, I don't think that the active ingredients on the shelves at any of your stores are really in the proper formulation to address your needs.

This isn't your fault, New Zealand.  I think you probably just haven't thought about making a real investment in effective deodorant technology.  But I think you really do need to think about doing that because it's starting to become noticeable.

I hope I haven't embarrassed you.  Do you have any questions for me?  No?  Right, then, mate, come on, let's go and get back to this beautiful day.   Thanks for the talk.